Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
