he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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