apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
