Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
