It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
