a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
