Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
