He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
