his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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