I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
