that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
