I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize