ya dads aren't the best wingmen
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
