wakey wakey hands off snakey
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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