Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
