Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
