Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
