If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
