well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i will never coherently bang her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
