fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
