Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
