just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize