I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
