I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
