I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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