She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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