her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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