So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
