i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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