why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
