i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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