I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
