apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
