I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
