And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
