No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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