I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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