It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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