this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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