Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
