I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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