i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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