OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Randomize
