Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I deserve this hangover.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
