I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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