We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
