I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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