At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
we're so committed to being not committed
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
