Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
