Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
