Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize
