You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
you didnt know i had herpes?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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