I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
