I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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