when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize