she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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