This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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