sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
