Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
