1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
