Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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