Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
