TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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