You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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