How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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