I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
