i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
